Pocketful of Parodies #3

The Curious Case of PR

Antidote #1

They say caffeine is an antidote to somnolence.

But I feel it's not the caffeine that keeps me going.

It's the belief, that the caffeine will keep me going, that keeps me going.

Stop deceiving yourself.
Start believing yourself.

Pocketful of Parodies #2

"An apple a day, keeps the doctor away." 

Agreed.

But if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

Indeed.

Pocketful Of Parodies #1

ECG ne arz kiya hai..

Gaur farmaeeyega,

Musalsal jhoomti hoon main,
Mera kaam hai jhoomna.
Defibrillator nazdeek rakhna,
Patient ka maatha mat choomna.
Atropine bhi bharosemand hai,
Par nurse ki fitrat mein hai ghoomna.
Ucchlungi main, kabhi kabhi gir jaungi,
Seedha leti rahoongi tabhi teri samajh mein aaungi.
Jhoothi nahi hoon, sirf thoda sharmaati hoon,
Khabar achi ho ya buri, main hi sunaungi.
Musalsal jhoomti hoon...
Parchai main zindagi ki hoon.

_/\_

System Of A Down - How to succeed in General Medicine?

This is a retrograde/retrogressive multi-step approach to become a master in the subject of General Medicine in Maharashtra.

1. (a) Buy the latest edition of Harrison's Principles of Internal Medicine.
    (b) Forget about it.
    (c) Realise that a free .chm or .pdf is available. Download it for quick referrals.
    (d) Forget about it.

--->

2. (a) Buy the latest edition of Davidson's Principles and Practice of Medicine. Write name and year on it.
    (b) Forget about it.
    (c) Realise that a free .chm or .pdf is available. Download it for quick referrals.
    (d) Forget about it.

--->

3. (a) Buy some (sanctioned) Indian authors' books, like API, Golwala, Chugh etc. Write name and year on it.
    (b) Go through the text font, images (if any), total no.of pages, index, preface etc.
    (c) Casually start reading a system. Underline important stuff.
    (d) Resist the temptation of checking for free pdfs and all.
    (e) Ask for specific markings and keep all aside.

--->

4. (a) Hear about a treasure called 'George Mathew's Prep Manual for Undergraduates'.
    (b) Obtain an extensively utilized copy from a senior, preferably immediate senior.
    (c) Read it nicely. Thank God for this gem of a book. Promote it in the batch. Criticize other authors.
    (d) Ask for even more selective markings.
    (e) Obtain Bhalani if possible.

--->

5. (a) Obtain xerox from local photocopywala. Ask for readymade notes.
    (b) Revisit Mathew's. Thank God for this gem of a book. Promote it in the batch. Criticize other authors.
    (c) Bhalani must be obtained for getting a holistic view.
    (d) Start panicking. Do only highly important, massively starred and repeatedly asked questions.
   
--->

6. (a) Pass final year with decent to excellent scores.
    (b) Thank God for such amazing books.
    (c) Propagate that Harrison, Davidson, Golwala and the likes have no idea about Medicine, and presentation of crisp information.
    (d) Look for juniors who might be interested in buying your old yet new medicine books, all in perfectly unused condition. Quote good prices. Earn some bucks and party. Promote Mathew's.

La Fin.

Time Warp-- Waqt: The race against Time

If I were asked what super power I would want most, I would answer emphatically “the ability to manipulate time.” There’s something completely ridiculous and insane about cramming in 30-40 hours per chapter since first year.With the amount of information that is expected of us to absorb, digest, and recall, our mental digestive system often has reflux, and especially during post exams, intractable mental vomiting.

There are some medical students that wake up really early to get a head start on the day’s lectures or to start the cramming process asap. I call them 'gunners'. Depending on the day, a medical student can have anywhere from 3-6 hours of lecture a day. Then you got some who do 'revision' after all those brain-numbing lectures. Then there are some crazies who take extra classes for pg prep during medical school. Aahh, I'm in that list! There’s also much needed time for extracurricular activities. And you got some insignificant tasks to be done that need to be  significantly remembered from time to time, and omg-- friends (remember them?). Oh yeah and there’s the regular studying which appears to require an endless amount of time. Endless is a long time and makes you realize why there are ONLY 24 hours in a day and question why humans need to sleep anyway? Sleep. What a waste of time...

If I had the power to manipulate time, medical school would probably be easier. But then again, medical school would probably be longer and the thought of that makes me vomit intractably.

---Currently on domperidone BD

Naps And Claps!

There’s nothing like chronic sleeplessness that really makes a medical student appreciate the concept of naps, especially power naps. When that coffee, tea, or energy drink isn’t working, and there’s no other way to fight the powerful force that is sleepiness, why even fight the inevitable? Resistance is futile! Take a nap!

If you walk through a medical school, don’t be surprised by the occasional student completely knocked out at the cafeteria, the library, the ‘study room’, or in class. For some unexplained reason, lecture is the best place to take a nap. It may be the warmth from neighboring bodies, the drone of the professor’s voice, or the dimness of the room, but within ten minutes of lecture, heads drop and there’s no stopping it. And if you do start napping, make sure you have a nap-wingman to poke you awake when you start to snore or drool or mutter in your sleep.

Be warned that when you sleep in school you may fall victim to “sleep shooters”, peers who will take unappealing photos of you and post them on social websites such as Twitter or Facebook for their own entertainment.

Oh naps, I wish I could have more of you! Even if you give me funny book imprints on my face :)

The Great Gamble

Ok, so the journey of a typical medical student in India starts at the tender age of 17/18. If u want to be a pre-med you have got to decide so in your final year of high school i.e. HSC or Higher secondary certificate year also known as 10 + 2 STD in many states. A few states offer a choice of completely dropping mathematics in your HSC so you can concentrate on the three main subjects for being a Pre med i.e. Biology, Physics and Chemistry. Whether or not you get into medical school at 17 depends upon your score in the various PMTs (Pre-Medical Tests) conducted by all states and one by the central government. Here too there are exceptions in the form of states that prefer to conduct the admission process based upon your scores in the HSC exams without an entrance exam. It's difficult to say which is the better procedure, but the lack of uniformity most certainly produces discrepancies in the whole system. Add to it confounding variables like caste reservations, minority reservations and a lot many other reservations. There is much to be said about that facet of the admission process, especially the caste reservation, but that would be fodder for another post.
Once you enter into the medical field, you are one of the privileged, coz being a medical student is an honor in its own way, as I am sure it is in other countries. Medical school or medical college as it is called in India consists of four and a half years followed by one year of Internship. The four and half calendar years are divided into three academic years of one, one and half and two years each, coving pre-clinical, para-clinical and clinical subjects respectively. This pattern too is subject to much variation in the different states.

The first year of pre-clinical subjects is spent entirely in classrooms, laboratories and dissection halls, obviously in study of Anatomy, Physiology and Biochemistry. From the Second 'prof' or professional year starts the real fun. Mornings are spent in clinical rotations learning hands on clinical medicine. It might seem odd that students are exposed to real patients even before they cover in theory all the clinical stuff, but that's how it is. Second prof covers Pathology, Pharmacology, Microbiology and Forensic medicine. Final year is similar to the second, except that now there is sync between the classroom study and study at the 'Clinics'. All three 'profs' culminate in exams of their respective subjects. Moreover, if a student fails in any one of them, he is set back by six months and so on until he or she manages to pass the examinations.

Then it is on to internship, 12 months of total unadulterated clinical experience. The fledgling doctors are shunted from discipline to discipline and trained in the basic technicalities of practicing medicine. At the end of each rotation, there is a performance evaluation and if needed one might have to repeat the rotation or if lucky enough, get away with an extension. Even though internship is one of the most crucial elements of any doctor's education how much a person gains from it depends upon the individual. What I mean is that there are always a handful of students who manage to play hooky during their internship days and devote their time in the pursuit of activities, which will ensure their further ascent in the hierarchy of the medical world. They prepare for the Post graduation entrance examinations. We will get there in a bit….

After the completion of the compulsory internship and registration with the Indian Medical council or the State medical council where they plan to practice, students officially become doctors or RMPs - Registered Medical Practitioners. The degree bequeathed on them is MBBS, which stands for Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery. All this by the approximate age of 23 or 24.  We can practice basic medicine, have a family practice; work in hospitals and clinics or as Medical officers for the government in rural areas. However, for most of us that is not enough.
A couple of decades ago, when the onus was more on family practitioners and not on specialized medicine, MBBS was a highly honored degree. Now trends have changed drastically, so much so, that the MBBS degree is only considered as a checkpoint in the spectrum of medical education. If you want to be a successful doctor, you have to specialize. The catch however is that the transition to being a specialist is by far the most challenging task. Another series of Entrance exams need to be cleared and depending upon your performance you to get be a candidate for either an MD or an MS. MD covers all the non surgical specialties like Internal medicine, Pediatrics, Psychiatry, Anesthesiology etc and MS covers all surgical branches like General surgery, Orthopedics , Ophthalmology and Otorhinolaryngology.  OBGY however has the dubious honor of being an MD specialty rather than MS even though it is practically all surgery.  

Believe me when I say, the entrance exams are tough. Even though the pattern is multiple choice and the subjects comprise all subjects of undergrad, it is very difficult to crack it. The problem is lack of facilities for specialty training. There are far few seats and far too many candidates. And as the backlog keeps mounting so does the competition, and the exams only get tougher. So far, there is no solution in sight for this problem.
But for those who do make it, it's an unparalleled victory. Not matter how grueling you residency might be, only after setting foot into the sacred territory of post graduation does one feel that he/she has arrived in the 'Promised land of Medicine.' Three years of post graduation training and after that the sky is the limit.
 
This in a nutshell is the journey of an Indian Medical student from the age of 17/18 to being a fully qualified 'specialist' doctor. Could take from anywhere between 9 - 12 years.

Phew.

Because,Life!